


I'm Going Back To My Roots

by terrible eddsworld fanfic person (MoogieMia)



Category: Eddsworld
Genre: Angst, Depressed Tord, Edd is a rly good friend, Eddsworld - Freeform, Hurt and comfort, I JUST REALIZE THIS IS LITERALLY MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT WRITING A SERIOUS FANFIC, Other, Short Chapters, Sort of a vent, Tord is a concious maniac, Traitor Tord, Will depress you, auditory hallucinations, i'd also appreciate comments 0w0, paracusia, platonic hugs, please read it though, sadistic, so it won't be a happy story, tags will be added as the story progresses, tough love, will probably not have a good ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-08 00:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11070153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoogieMia/pseuds/terrible%20eddsworld%20fanfic%20person
Summary: *** CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN ***After all the time Tord had spent trying to gain forgiveness, he realizes maybe it was all pointless.A trick from his subconscious, perhaps?Heavily inspired by the song "Roots" by Imagine Dragons. Also a little bit by "Shots" also made by ID.Rated Teen for insanity?





	1. The Start

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first Eddsworld fanfic, and my 14th fanfic ever.  
> I tried to create something original.  
> Here, I present to you the first chapter of what I'd like to call-
> 
> The Eddsworld "Roots AU"

It had been four years since it happened. Exactly four years since he'd destroyed their former house, and exactly one year since they had finally forgiven him for it. 

He had stayed up the night before. Just to watch as the clock slowly reach the 12:00 AM mark. Just as he did every year. Just to remind himself of the horrible things he'd done.

He layed on his bed, and closed his eyes right after. Reminiscing on those old memories. 

How he'd messed up their lives. Pathetic, he'd always say. But in reality, he was slowly starting to think, with every year that passed, maybe it was actually worth it, perhaps seeking forgiveness was utterly pointless. Had they really forgiven him? Sure, they were nice people. But would you really forgive someone who betrayed you, destroyed all your belongings, killed a man, and did all so while laughing it all away? 

Tord sure as hell wouldn't have. And even if they were ashamed of their actions? He'd probably shoot anyone like that.

But, of course, he would've been forced to 'forgive and forget,' just like Edd had said many times to him.

'Forgive and forget.'  
Those words repeated themselves over and over again inside his brain. Like he would even forgive himself for it. 

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, just pure stupid.

His brain was telling him how much he enjoyed the destruction. What a messed up human being he was. How he should give up on everything he'd been striving to achieve for the past four years, just throw it all away. Go back to being the leader of his rusty army. Torture some people to death.

The sad part was, it sounded nice. He was considering on actually doing it.

Screw his life.

Edd was wrong, there is no such thing as forgiving yourself.

Or so he thought.


	2. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd comforts Tord. Sort of. He tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's chapter two. Just as short as the first one, yay! :/

Tord sighed as he walked toward the kitchen. It was now 12:30 AM. All the time he wasted reflecting on the past. 'Idiot,' he told himself.

He opened the fridge using his prosthetic arm and looked at what it contained. Cola, cola, more cola, water... watermelon juice?

Nah.

He then opened the cupboards and took a bottle of Smirnoff. Tom was gonna be mad at him but he didn't care. In fact, he didn't care about anything at the moment. He was never one to drink much, but he felt emotionally tired. He just wanted to get rid of the voice in his head. Why not get drunk? 'Not like anyone would care, anyways.'

He sprawled on the couch, downing a gulp of alcohol, choking on it.  
Frick.

"How could anyone like this? It tastes horrible." he spoke aloud to himself, mindlessly letting the bottle go, it smashing on the ground.

He didn't feel like cleaning it up.  
He felt like dying. Maybe stabbing his hand with a piece of glass.

'Crybaby.' his brain mocked him, 'What happened to the old you? When you weren't worthless, and actually had a purpose in your life? What's the point of living?'

Tord stuffed his face in a pillow, letting out a muffled scream.

He felt a poke on his shoulder.

"Tord... Tord. TORD."

Edd.

Tord groaned.

"Tord are you okay? What happened? I heard the bottle smash. What are you doing up so late? Why were you drinking?"

Tord sat up on the couch, hands hugging his knees close to him.

Edd put a hand on his back.

"I'm fine."

"Liar."

"I am."

"I can tell you're not-"

"No, i meant, i am a liar."

Edd looked taken aback.

"What do you mea- Sorry- I- I didn't mean to make you feel bad- Oh Gosh- I messed up-"

"I'm a dirty liar. Traitor. Horrible person. You're right, Edd. And I think i should go die before i hurt you all again. For your own good."

"Tord! Dont say that! You're-"  
Edd sighed, not finishing his sentence.  
It wasn't the first time he'd had to deal with this... 

He settled on hugging Tord.

"Don't be sad."

It was quiet for around a minute before Edd broke away from the hug.

"Do you feel better?"

Tord had to admit he still felt depressed. Maybe not as much, though.  
So he decided to lie.

"Y-yeah. I'm okay now. Thanks."

"I'm glad. Now go back to sleep. I'll clean this up for you. Be careful when you stand up."

"Okay..."

Edd was a good person. A very good friend. He didn't deserve to die. Tord knew this. But Tord was not a good person. He wanted to hurt Edd one day.

He was horrible. And he knew that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to anyone who ships TordEdd but this was meant to be platonic.


	3. Morning Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast with a side of depression. How appealing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's frikin' 12:57 AM and I feel like passing out but here ya go, I'll check this chapter for errors tomorrow.

Tom woke up to the smell of... Pancake mix? No, waffles.

It didn't smell like burning, and Tord would never cook, so it was definitely Edd cooking.

He made his way to the dining table and saw said green hooded man making what looked to be four giant waffles and bacon.

"What's all this for? You hardly ever make waffles anymore." Tom asked him.

"Oh, hi Tom, well, you see, yesterday Tord was acting very depressed. So I decided to make something he'd enjoy. Besides, I think you and Matt like waffles too. R-Right?"

Tom gave a simple nod.

"What about me?" A voice spoke from the hallway.

"If you like waffles?"

"Oh, yes, I quite enjoy them. Thank you, Edd!" Matt said as he stretched and happily took a seat next to Tom.

Edd placed the plates on the table. Drizzling the waffles with syrup.

"Where's Todd?"

"Tord. I dunno. The commie slept in, I guess. Weird. He never does."

"Talking about Tord, Tom, why don't you go get him for us?"

"Why me?"

"Just do it? Please?"

"Fine."

-~-~-~-~-Short Time Skip-~-~-~-~-

Tom knocked on Tord's door since it was locked.

"Tord? Tord. Open the goddamn door."

A loud groan is all the response he got.

Tom attempted to "roll" his "eyes" at no one in particular.

He decided to- for lack of better word- "lockpick," the cheap doorknob lock using a bottle opener he had stored in his hoodie pocket. How did he have it? He himself didn't know.

"Hmmph- Get out." Tord mumbled into a pillow.

Tom chose to ignore Tord.  
His black voids gazed upon the dull red room, and onto Tord's nightstand.

He slowly strolled toward it.

Was that a knife? With blood- freaking BLOOD- oh wait.

Tom mentally facepalmed.

He realized what he had thought was blood, was actually, beet root.

Let that sink in.

There was a beet root cut into pieces on Tord's nightstand.

How odd.

The hell he'd gotten that beet root from anyways?

Maybe Tord liked to stab beet root when he was angry.

Tom laughed at that. How silly would it be. (Ironically enough, that's exactly what Tord did)

"What are you laughing at? My dumb face? My stupid life choices? My idiotic ways of dealing with depression? Because if you are, you're welcome to do so for the rest of your life, and you're welcome to hate me to death too, I do it to myself. It's actually quite selfish. I'm an idiot... Anyways... I don't want to get up today. I might actually kill you all this time. I- I can't do that- I shouldn't- I want to- shut up, me. Tom, get out. I hate you. I'm not actually sure if I hate you but- help me- no- no-"

Whoa, GEEZ. 

When Edd told Tom that Tord was depressed, he didn't expect it to be THIS bad. It felt like Tord was going insane. And he was quite correct.


	4. Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Tom's turn to- *ahem*  
> "Comfort"  
> Tord now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaya chapter four woo  
> Tom is Tough Love™
> 
> Once again lol this seems like its TomTord but it's meant to be platonic, don't worry, I'm just bad at writing.

Tom backed up a bit.

"Tord? What's wrong with you?" He asked, sounding angry. Dammit. That's not how he meant it to sound. That came out wrong. Really, really wrong.

All Tord could do was choke back a sob. 'What an idiot.'  
He sat up on his bed and faced Tom, who had an expression that could only be described as confusion and regret at the same time.

With a look of seriousness, Tord said:  
"Everything. Everything is wrong with me. I don't have anything right. I'm thinking of hurting you all. I hate myself. I should die. I'm serious right now. I'm just worthless."

With what he said, Tord wasn't expecting sympathy at all. Especially not from Tom. But he also wasn't expecting Tom to slap him in the face like he did.

"TORD! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! STOP IT! WHY DO YOU HATE YOURSELF?!"  
Tom inhaled.

Tord gave him a small sadistic smile, holding a hand to where Tom hit him.  
"I should. I've got many reasons."

"No you don't!" Tom exclaimed as he threw his hands in the air. "I'm so confused! You always talked about yourself like you were so great and now- what?! What happened!"

Tord turned around and flopped off the other side of his bed.

Now, that might've sounded funny. But it wasn't. So stop laughing.

"I'm sorry for slapping you, Tord. But, seriously! You need to stop this, it's really bad for you."

Tom asked himself, when did he start caring, anyways, while waiting for a response. What he got was...

No response.

Quiet.

And then a barely audible laugh.  
"I understand."

Tom walked to Tord and held out his hand.

Tord took it, reluctantly, and stood up.

"I'm okay now. Thanks." He repeated his words from earlier, lying for a second time that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone shows support throughout a comment I'll be eternally grateful?


	5. Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally the shortest chapter ever wtf

"You're back." Edd stated flatly.

"What happened? I heard a loud noise!" Matt exclaimed.

They were still sitting at the dining table.

"He was acting really-"

"I'm fine." Tord interrupted as he stared at the ground.

Edd gave Tom a knowing look and mouthed an "he's not."

Tom shrugged.

"So, uh. I've almost ran out of cola. Does anyone wanna come with me to get more?"

"Sorry, Edd, I have plans." Matt replied while staring at himself in a mirror.

"I don't feel like going outside."

"Tom?"

"No th- wait a minute- Uhh, yeah. Sure. I need, um, more Smirnoff, I guess."

'Good' Edd thought. Lame plan, but it was working.

"Okay!"  
The green hooded man stood up from his chair and quickly dragged Tom out the door.

"HAVE FUN I GUESS."

The door was slammed shut.

"That was... Weird."

"Hm?"

"Nothing, never mind, I'll be in my room, bye."

"Bye!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting the next one literally right now


	6. Cuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt tried. He really did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol enjoy the sucky chapter

Tord laid sulking in his bed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. He had issues. Lots.

Picking up a knife with his fake arm, he decided it was a good moment to take out his emotions on something.

Idiotic, but he'd always consider cutting useless, even though he felt like he deserved it.

So he stabbed the beet root on his bedside table.

'What the hell?!' He thought at his own actions.

It was stupid. And if he wasn't depressed, dare he say, kind of funny??  
But he loved how it looked like blood whenever he would slice it.

He stared at the knife for a few moments.

Yeah, he definitely had lots of issues.

Taking a napkin and wiping the knife, Tord's messed up mind wondered how else he could use it. He could kill Edd. He could kill Tom. He could kill Matt.

He wanted to.

Yet he didn't. He didn't because he knew it was wrong. They didn't deserve that. It was almost impossible to resist the urge, though.

'Not again. Not these horrible thoughts.'

He was so lost in them he ended up cutting a straight line in his flesh hand by accident. 

He wanted to scream, it was so painful. But he didn't. He was okay with this. He let his hand bleed.

So what? What if the cut got infected? Let it be. He deserved much worse.

This time, he didn't clean the knife. He was about to set it back on the table but he heard someone open his door.

"Tord? What are you doing?"

Matt.

Tord forced a smile on his face and turned to him.

"Nothing, just- Random things."

"Why is your hand bleeding?!"

"I'm fine. I swear."

"What did you do?"

"It hurts."

Matt frowned.

"Why?"

"It was an accident."

Matt suddenly gave Tord a small, quick hug.

"Edd said these make you feel better. I- I think? Please don't do that again. It's scary."

"Right. Sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is so edgy tbh I'm sorry
> 
> This is my first ever serious fanfic and also my first non-oneshot and ALSO my first one with no ships.


	7. Supermarket Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter describes it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter I wrote in like 10 mins cuz I can't sleep.

Tom and Edd arrived at the market.

"Tom." Edd spoke, stepping out of the car and closing its door.

"I know."

"He's terrible."

"You don't say."

"Tom, this is serious! Tord is acting really depressed! We need to do something!"

They walked through the automatic door.

"Buy him some sort of antidepressant pills?"

"They have horrible side effects, though."

"Therapy?"

"He'd never go through with that!"

"Another type of medicine?"

"But- Does it exist?"

"I'm trying to help!"

"Sorry, sorry. I'm just so freaking worried. I don't want him to go suicide or something like that!"

"Why do you think that? He'd never kill himself!"

Edd stopped walking.

"You- you- you don't know that." He whispered, his voice breaking.

"Sorry."

"I-it's okay." Edd said, wiping away inexistent tears. "You might be right! Let's just- grab what we came for and leave. There's nothing else to talk about. The situation is hopeless."

And with that, Edd rushed down the aisle that contained cola, got some random thing for Tord, then he walked toward the cash registers, while Tom kept thinking about what happened.

Maybe it really WAS hopeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr @The-Random-Fandom-Fangirl
> 
> I draw bad Eddsworld art and reblog dumb puns.


End file.
